Doesn't it seem a little unfair that we as humans have this massive capacity to remember, but more than not, we just want to forget? That whoever (or whatever) created us, bestowed us with the ability to recall hundreds of memories within seconds of looking at a old picture, or hearing a familiar joke, or even meeting up with a friend from our childhood.

Sometimes I think that the strength of our memory is an april fool's joke. I mean, we're able to remember so much of our lives, so many little insignificant things, but in the end we're forced to realize that most of those moments were never going to happen again. No matter how hard we try to recreate the past, to bring the same people back together again, to ask the same questions we did before, to live like we were living back then, our memory's will not bend to our will.

Instead, they are a constant reminder that everything changes, that no matter what you to, time is going to pass you by and in the end you really only have two choices: to sit alone, flipping through old photos, remembering what life was like, or rip up your memories, and realize that what will happen today might not happen tomorrow, but it's still your life and memories or not, you have to live it the best way you can.

I'm slowly regretting coming to NY for Thanksgiving (which will not be shortened to TG). I think that Kent and Barbs little production of 'happy little couple' is a good majority of it, but that when I'm not home (for any break) I always think I'm missing something that chances are, I'm probably not.

I love coming to the city, I do, but it's just so boorriinnggg here. It's not fun to walk up and down the blocks here by yourself, listening to your ipid and shuffling through the crowds. And nobody's wiling to come here, which I can't understand, so that doesn't help.

Getting back to my first point: Kent. That 9 finger geek has totally taken over Barbs conscious life. "Did I tell you what Kent did?" "Oh, well Kent said" "I'll be heading up to Kent's.." i do not care. The man literally takes twenty minutes to finish a god damn sentence. My eyes actually fluttered while he was talking last night. Thought my head was going to slam down on the table from conversational exhaustion. I can image the police officers standing over my dead body:

"well roger, we still gotta wait for the autopsy, but if you were to ask me, looks like she died from conversatin'."

It's like I don't exist when he's around. I get cut out of conversations, my voiced opinions aren't good enough unless they're later repeated by Kent (word for word I might add). It just pisses me off because I didn't come on this break to see him, I came to see her and she didn't even have the nerve to tell me that he'd be staying with us the entire break. Sweet, awesome, thanks mom.

If they get married I swear to god I'm going to cry. And they will not be tears of joy.

 

so apparently its not healthy to bottle up all your emotions says like every expert ever so i decided that i'd use the internet for something more than bumper sticker requests and free episodes of the Office.

below is a list of things that I currently can't stand/boarderline hate. for the readers benefit, things I hate have been bolded:

 1. when my parents come into my room every night and turn on my a/c. please don't do that. by the time that i get home its very chilly in here and i dont appreciate catching phenumonea in July.

2. when someone responds to a text message immediately but then either a.) doesn't answer their phone when i call them or b.) doesn't respond to the following text message.
--side note: i understand that there are some special cases where someone wasn't able, at the time, to use their phone. i can still hate it.

3. when someone answers a question and seconds later another person repeats their answer in question form. For example:
"how was the movie?"
"it was terrible."
"it was terrible?"

they just said it was terrible. don't ask that, that question serves no purpose. stop it.

4. that i have obvious issues when it comes to picking the guys i date. i am terrible at it; you could even say horrendous.
i think i should sign up for a match maker or something like on that bravo tv show that im pretty sure got cancelled.

and finally (to save this from getting too lengthly)

5. that i am constantly selling myself short. enough is enough.
i think that im not good enough for the guys i like--i need to realize that i have a lot to offer someone whose worth it (i hope, otherwise this is going to look really really pathedic later on when im still single)

i actually feel a little better, not that this changed a single thing, but the first step is always confronting the things that are bothering you, so if anything i've made at least some kind of progress.maybe.

Okay, so Happy New Year everyone, yeah, whoo whoo 08 so great yeah whoo.

now that we've taken care of that, let's get down to business.
NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS (because if you're as screwed up as me, you need a couple)

-will drink/smoke less (phfttttttt.)
-will eat/be healthier
-will think more positive thoughts
-will find either a job or some way to make extra cash (street corner, here i come)
-will find a creative outlet for my thoughts, a.k.a. i need to write more
-will not think about finding a boyfriend, but secretly obsess over it until it actually happens, or until i watch the notebook so much my tear ducts dry up and i have no choice but to just end it.

okay, so the last one i may or may not carry out. we'll see how the rest of the year goes.
you would think that all those guys that look at my chest instead of my face would like maybe produce 1 good guy, but noooooo
thats never the case. 
never.never.never.

oh! you know who could stare at my chest all day long and i wouldnt give a flying fuck? uhm. JOHNNY DEPP.
holy christ that man is beyond beautiful.

blazzing saddles is on television in the background and an almost empty diet coke is sitting in front of me.
if this isnt what college life is all about then someone needs to inform me what is.


theres so many people transfering, im kind of upset.
i mean, i thought that i was going to be able to make friendships with these people, but i guess not.
idk, i just thought that people understood what it was going to be like here.
im pretty sure if i told barb that i didnt like it her because i wasnt "happy" she'd be like "i'll fucking give you a reason to not be happy"

motherly support right there ladies and gents.

im so lucky, i really am.
i love where i am, im doing really well, im making a lot of friends
when im not studying, im actually going out to parties and having an awesome time
living in a dorm is like an eternal sleep over, and the girls on my floor (besides a few) are just amazing.

i think this years christmas will be a good one.